Happy Easter

I have a soft spot for people who have had less than wonderful experiences with the Christian church. I've been involved in a couple of different churches that, in my humble opinion, were rigid and unforgiving in their orthodoxy or adherence to their own dogma. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking of adherence to the Bible. I'm referring to their set of rules that are, how shall we say, "extra-biblical." In a meeting with the leaders of my last church, it was suggested that I had issues with "submission," to which I responded that I was not against submitting to Christ and the Word of God, but that I would not ever submit to authority which was not biblical. For this, and other defiances, my membership in that particular church was revoked. The letter spoke of the spirit of reconciliation which in their language translated to my confessing my sin and submitting to whatever punishment they would administer, which I suspect would have included some public admission of my divisive behavior. With that in mind, on Easter morning, I give you my favorite story from the Bible, that of the Apostle Thomas.


"On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁰ After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

 ²¹ Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³ If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

 ²⁴ Now Thomas (also known as Didymus^[a]), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. ²⁵So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

   But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

 ²⁶ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁷ Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

 ²⁸ Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

 ²⁹ Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” ~ John 20:20-29

I have had dozens of opportunities to share this story with friends on their path to belief, or rededication of their belief. The religion of my childhood, which was followed by a long period of disinterest in religion, was one of few answers. Obedience to the Mass was understood; it just was. It seemed as if everyone involved in my Catholic upbringing didn't have answers to any of my questions. In fairness, however, I wasn't exactly thorough in my seeking. I sort of just drifted away. Over my early adult years, I had no interest in the church although I considered myself a believer. And finally, the thing that led me back to the Lord was becoming a parent - something I suspect is behind many people's return to their faith. 

This time, however, I began seeking in the Protestant community and learned through my first church to test the scriptures and take an active part in my spiritual growth rather than just sitting passively to one person's preaching. It was during this time that I heard the story of Thomas and he became my hero. All of my life and in conversations with others, one of the most confusing things was this idea that one does not question God. Yet, here at the end of John's Gospel, is a story not only of the questions and doubts of one of Jesus' disciples, but of a Savior who lovingly invites this disciple to test for himself that He has in fact returned in the flesh. Even writing this, I am overcome with emotion as I read (for the hundredth time) how Jesus tenderly approaches Thomas and says, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

And I can picture Thomas, so very, very ashamed, weeping as he simply says, "My Lord and my God." I imagine him clinging to Jesus as that moment and sobbing, "I am so sorry to have doubted." But Jesus isn't angry or upset. He probably hugs Thomas as he cries and says, "It's okay, it's okay." 

Oh, how I remember the moments as my belief became stronger and stronger. And how I was ashamed to have not only doubted but to have not even recognized the many obvious signs that my Lord and my God was right there, all along just waiting for me to pay Him the slightest attention. When I think back on the time that I was truly lost and alone, I imagine him just watching me stumble and wander. I think about my own child and how painful it would be to watch her make mistakes and hurtful choices knowing that I could not make her see that I was right there for her until she OPENED her eyes. It would have been like watching a blind person in a maze - wanting to reach out and help but knowing that they had to do this on their own. 

My message on this Easter morning to anyone who has any questions - God is big enough to handle any questions, any anger, any doubt you can possibly throw His way. And His arms are open for you to step in when you are ready. And He LIVES! When I turned to Him, I truly had no where else to go and I was so afraid. What if this was the last possibility and it did not work? I did not cross that line easily or willingly - but He has never held that against me. Not for a second. And this life is infinitely better than anything I had even dared to dream of.

Problems vs. Challenges

I've always admired those people who never see problems - only challenges. As I've thought and prayed about and mainly tried to ignore my word for the year, discipline, I've realized that I have an attitude problem. Stop laughing - I am generally the last to know when it comes to reading myself. I don't think I'm unique in this cycle of setting goals, dragging my feet, disappointing myself, then dragging my feet about starting the whole process over again.

As an example, I'll talk about my lack of discipline when it comes to exercise. A few years ago, I lost about 25 pounds and worked out diligently and got in probably the best shape I've been in since I got pregnant over 17 years ago. I felt great, I was energetic, and I looked forward to getting outside or to the gym. I was diligent and disciplined for about nine months, and then I went on vacation. My best friend and my daughter and I went to Florida in May and went out to dinner and enjoyed dessert every night. I had packed my walking shoes and planned to walk on the beach daily. I think I did it twice. When we returned home, I never got back into my workout routine and within two years I'd put all the weight back on and developed back and neck issues which only drained my desire to get moving.

I am not unique in this. It happens to many people. We find out how great we feel when we exercise and eat right, yet we find it so difficult to maintain that discipline. For me, I think a lot of the issue is self-talk. I'll go to bed thinking I'm going to get up early and walk or go to the gym, but when the alarm goes off my first thoughts are negative. If I can talk myself out of doing what's right, why can't I talk myself into it? In spite of choosing discipline as my word of the year, I've really not done much to embrace a more disciplined lifestyle. I can spend hours thinking about whether it makes more sense to go to the gym early and then come home and shower and dress for work or to take my clothes with me and shower there. There's the problem of having a lock and packing all the things you need. Or, if I come home after, will I get distracted by things that need to be done around here rather than get myself to the office. Sometimes it doesn't help to be the boss. It makes it too easy for a person without discipline to go in at 10:30!

Last night I set the alarm for 6:00 a.m. I lept out of bed around 7:00 and then drank coffee and checked the internet. Finally, I packed a bag and left the house. I decided to drop off everything I wouldn't need at the gym at the office first so that I wouldn't lose everything if someone broke into my car in the gym parking lot (which has happened to others). I waltzed into the gym at 9:20 and was showered and dressed for work by 10:30. Alright, so I need to improve on that, but I got it done! On the way home this evening, I asked my daughter if she wanted me to take her to school tomorrow. She has to be there by 7:15, so I've committed to getting to the gym a little earlier tomorrow.

It's only taken me two months from my resolution to actually get there. Next goal: Actually wanting to go!

Lists

I made some progress today in my quest to become more disciplined. First, I made two lists of things I want to accomplish: One entitled "Discipline" lists the things I want to be sure to do every day. The second is a "Home Projects List" which contains the things I'd like to accomplish around the beach house this year.

The teenager that lives here had a most pathetic weekend - having nothing else to do, she hung out with me yesterday. We went to the grocery store and then out for dinner. Today she graciously completed all the chores I gave her while we both rocked around the house listening to our separate ITunes! And that included doing the two chores I hate the most vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom. She helps me out alot.

I made a new recipe Slow Cooker Cuban Chicken - a recipe I got from a new magazine from Better Homes and Garden's "Skinny Slow Cooker"Magazine.

While this was cooking, I took a walk down past the beach to the marina. There was no one there, just the sound of the water against the few boats still in the water. On my list this morning, I listed 30 minutes of exercise. It was a nice walk and I took a few minutes to sit on the dock and just reflect.

Some Crazy Juju

In the "about me" section of this blog, it mentions that I have an estranged relationship with the church but not with God. So, recently I made a comment on the Facebook page of a Christian author that I've come to respect and enjoy and we've even exchanged some emails. After a few other people commented, I was invited to join this group of people who feel that they've been involved in churches that are spiritually abusive, and some of them personally sent me friend requests. While it took me about 7 years to get kicked out of my church, I lasted in this group for less than a week. In fact, I think I made less than five comments during my tenure with the group. I'm feeling a lot better now. Turns out, I'm a couple years past the anger and sadness, but they've chosen to make a cottage industry out of it. They welcomed me by telling me that I didn't have to worry about judgment or condemnation here like I had found in the church and that I was among friends. This is the kiss of death it turns out. I did not have to worry about judgment or condemnation as long as I was willing to listen to their near constant judgment and condemnation of the church - and certain high-profile pastors and their followers. Life is too short and God is too good, I can't live there anymore. I wish them all the best. Amen.

DISCIPLINE

So I've picked my word for the year: Discipline. Discipline has a few definitions but for my use the word will be defined as follows:

• training that molds or perfects the mental faculties 
• self-control gained by orderly patterns of behavior

It is no surprise to those that know me. I am not disciplined. I have a hard time with schedules. I own my own business and I homeschooled my child for seven years, and I believe those choices, in large part, were due to my lack of discipline and that I don't play well with authority. My poor kid - it's a wonder she's survived. On any given day, she is the most mature person in the house.

That's it. I've picked my word of the year. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry.

Word of the Year

There are several blog pages that I subscribe to on Facebook. One that I love is Kevin and Layla Palmer’s, The Lettered Cottage. They have such beautiful and creative decorating ideas and I enjoy Layla’s blog posts. Recently, she posted an inspiring piece called This Little Word of Mine Link Party in which she invites other bloggers to link their posts about their “word of the year” selections.

The idea for a word of the year comes from Ali Edwards at aliedwards.com. She writes, “Choosing a word each year came about as an alternative to a list of resolutions. I wanted something I could hold close and actually develop a relationship with over the course of the year.”

I’ve been thinking about this and what word I could choose. I think it’s such a lovely idea – rather than a list of resolutions – to have a word to keep in your mind, or your pocket, to inspire you to press forward. I made a list of words and I’ve whittled it down to ten words. I will get it down to one, but I need to think about each of these and what it is I hope to achieve this year.  Many words came to mind that I didn’t choose: travel, joy, family, adventure, curious, because I want to introduce something new, perhaps work towards something that is more difficult for me.

Perhaps by writing a bit about each of the ten words, I’ll be able to choose just one as my word for the year.

Attitude:  The front-runner. I thought about this earlier this morning and then had a discussion about attitude with my neighbor when we went out for coffee. We talked about how much easier the day goes when we look at our responsibilities as choices. Instead of groaning and wanting to roll over and go back to sleep in the morning, can I adopt an attitude of excitement about my day?

Commitment: An easy one to put on the list - but perhaps not to choose. Probably the only thing I’ve consciously committed to is parenthood. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. I find myself preferring to look at everything else with a “one day at a time” view. Is that wrong? Maybe a deeper sense of commitment in everything I do might push me to the next level.

Deeper: As in commitment and learning and sense of urgency. I've created a pretty great life for  my little family.  Is this the year to go deeper in learning, decorating, marketing, photography, writing?

Discipline: Maybe a word that makes me cringe should be my word of the year. Discipline sounds a lot like commitment! When I think of discipline, I think of schedules, and then the room starts to spin.

Energy: I’m a low energy person a large percentage of the time. I think that’s something I can change – through intentionality.  Regular exercise and healthy eating are keys to producing more energy. 

Focus: I suppose this one could do double duty with my photography and my difficulty staying on task. If ADD had existed when I was a child, I think they might have wanted to put me on some type of medication. Instead I just got in trouble for being disruptive…some things never change.

Improve: Progress not perfection. As I write this I’ve already decided this will not be it. God has seen fit to effect some change for the better in me every year that I’ve followed Him. It almost seems a bit lazy to pick this one!

Less: As in downsize. Reduce. Let go. Can I do that? Can I continue what I started last year? This would be an interesting task – to weed out what I don’t need or can do without and implement some system of organization? Hmmm, this may be it!

Purposeful: Instead of accomplishing what must be accomplished, could I do it with purpose? Do I attack my tasks and chores with a sense of doing them well or is the goal simply to complete. In addition, what about relationships – can I do a better job of loving and listening with purpose?

Write: Get serious and write. Quit screwing around with opinions and debates and write on both blogs – the personal and the business. Write with attitude. Commit to writing. Go deeper – be willing to expose vulnerabilities in my writing. Write with discipline – insert the dreaded word “schedule” here! Write with energy – looking forward, not waiting for the deadline. Oh, you get the idea – focus on improving my writing, making less excuses and writing with a purpose!

How about if I pray about this? Stay tuned – I’ll reveal my choice tomorrow…or the next day!

A Day at the Beach by Botanicus - Product Review

Several years ago, while poking around the shops at the Corolla Lighthouse in the Outer Banks, I picked up and smelled a candle that instantly brought back wonderful beach memories of my childhood. The candle was called "A Day at the Beach" by Botanicus. That day I purchased a set of three travel candles and a room spray. Over the last couple of years, I've acquired a diffuser and another large candle and I absolutely love them.

Those of you that know me well know that I have a philosophy about creating the life you want. Without going into the long history  - which resulted in owning my own business and homeschooling my daughter for seven years - that philosophy is one of the foundational blocks of My Beach House. Creating the life you desire requires lots of clumsy missteps, but even small details are important. As inconsequential as a scent might seem, walking into My Beach House and being greeted with the fragrance of summers' past signals to me that I am home. Inside my house, as I create the home that I desire, this scent is an important part of the whole.

Botanicus describes "A Day at the Beach" this way:

• "The name says it all.
• HISTORY: We have created a wonderful fragrance from our favorite beach scents- suntan oil, ocean air, tropical flowers, a touch of vanilla.
• AROMA: Pikake, plumeria aroma with orange blossom, ocean and soft vanilla, amber notes."

What stands out the most for me is more than a hint of the "Coppertone Tanning Lotion" of my childhood - when the choices were Coppertone or burn! It reminds me of sandy floors, dinner on a screened porch, wet bathing suits and towels hanging on the line. Summer vacations were a time when we stayed up late and caught fireflies, and spent whole days with my father and mother together. I think it's the right scent for creating that summer vacation feeling all year round. I have diffusers in two rooms of the house and candles all around. When I feel like the house needs a little extra - I spray the room fragrance. It's in every room of My Beach House but one. I still have the travel votives that I originally bought in Corolla. One sits next to my computer in my office. And one is always packed in my travel toiletries bag. I take it with me wherever I go and immediately unpack it to remind me of the beach and of home.

Check it out sometime: A Day at the Beach. And let me know what summer memories it brings back for you.