Our DIY Wedding

After my husband finally put a ring on it in August 2014, our next questions were:

1. How do an over-50 woman and and over-60 man celebrate a wedding without looking foolish?
2. How do we keep costs down?
3. What are our college-age children's schedules?
4. Should we just elope or go to the courthouse?

August 2014

We spent the next six months asking these questions over and over and then just dropping the subject!  Maybe just being engaged was enough! As Christians, we both knew that moving forward with marriage was certainly what God would want, but as older, previously married people we were overwhelmed. We both owned homes. We lived 80 miles apart. We each had a college-aged child who was not established. He was retired, while I was in the process of selling my business. I had family everywhere; he had a close family all within the DC area. Finances needed to be combined, we needed to decide where to live, decisions had to be made about insurance and other issues. It really was easier for a while just to drop the subject as quickly as it came up! 

But, but... WEDDING! We both had previously been married and had weddings. I have to admit that I was a bit hung up on having a wedding because this marriage was the one I was confident about. Marrying someone whom I had known for 30+ years and whose character at 60 was unchanged from when I'd first met him made me confident that a celebration was indeed in order! While he might have been happy to elope or go to the courthouse, we both felt that we wanted traditional vows before God. Three major factors pointed us in the direction of wedding - my daughter, his son, his 80+ mom. We wanted them involved - and my mother-in-law would have been disappointed not to be there. So, a wedding was needed.

I knew that I wanted to be married overlooking the water - either the Chesapeake Bay or the Patuxent River. I would love a sunset. So we started searching for venues knowing full well that we did not want to spend a lot of money. It's a lot different when you've worked all your life for your money - what you're willing to spend on one day! Still, I had a lot of ideas. Naturally, I created a couple of Pinterest boards and started pinning like mad to My Backyard Wedding.  We wanted to be outside in a natural setting with a laid-back, casual theme. We had quite a few discussions that ended with nothing resolved because the whole idea of paying for a venue and all that goes with that was daunting. We wanted to keep things under $5,000.00 and that did not look possible. Even that number had John gasping for air!

My house is in a small beach community on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay but my home is not crowd friendly, nor is it overlooking the water. On a fairly regular basis, we would be invited to have dinner with a dear friend who has a knack for putting together all the right ingredients for an incredibly fun dinner party. Always the right mix of people, food, beverages and conversation. On a fall evening sitting around the fire pit enjoying after dinner drinks she said, "Why don't you have your wedding here?" Immediately, we said no. My first thought was, "What a beautiful place for a small wedding," while my second thought was, "What an incredible way to kill a friendship!" There were a couple of weeks of conversation before we agreed. There had to be terms - and she had the perfect idea. Her house is on a bluff overlooking the Bay and there was a fairly decrepit "workshop" building at the bottom of the bluff set back behind the sand. She had toyed with the idea of making it into a fun, beach shack to store beach items and host small parties. The bluff was overgrown, and the shack was in need of repairs. In exchange for fixing up the bluff and the shack we would be married in her backyard - overlooking the Bay. I was overjoyed that my dream was coming true!

Amazing hostess and friend, Sonia Kay of Sonia Kay's by the Bay

The wedding date was finally set for June 4, 2016, and the work would begin whenever my fiance could get started. While settling on a venue is most important, there was still so much to be done. For the moment, though, I could breathe a sigh of relief.

This photo may have been taken that fateful Fall evening! 

Beautiful lush backyard at Sonia Kay's by the Bay!

On the Western shore of the Chesapeake Bay, we don't see the sunset ...

But just look how the sunset reflects off the water!

365 Days of Gratitude

A few years ago I participated in a Facebook event called 101 Days of Gratitude. The first day was 101 days before Thanksgiving and the event culminated on Thanksgiving Day. The next year, I started one of my own events and invited my Facebook friends. It is a marvelous and spiritual avenue for counting and sharing your blessings. This year, when Thanksgiving Day came, we all shared that we would be sad for it to end.

My parents - Grateful for life and their love

My childhood home for the first 18 years of my life!

I changed the name of the group to 365 Days of Gratitude, and the group has continued. We don't share every day like we do during the 101 Days, but we keep in touch regularly and share what is going on in our lives and ask for prayers when needed. The group has been a wonderful way to focus on the things that are important: family, love, art, beauty and laughter. 2016 may go down as the most cynical year in American history!

My Bible - so grateful for God's Word.

August 11, 2016 is Day 1 of 101 Days of Gratitude 2016. We welcome all to join us. Every year I am so thankful for many new things to add to the most precious blessings that I hold near. It is an effort some days to come up with something new. It stretches me to focus on the positive. What about you? Are you thankful for the air you breathe, your health, your children or that 10 year old dog who is your faithful companion?

Laughter - is there anything better?

This year I have some new blessings that I've collected over the last year: my husband, our new home, our new community, some new friends, renovations, new goals. I'm looking forward to the daily focus on gratitude. The Lord has been so good to me. I've added some photos of gratitudes from year's past. Think about how you have been blessed and share them with us over on 365 Days of Gratitude. Looking forward to meeting you!

The Beauty of Nature. 

Pink Eye and the Fog

The week before Christmas, with many gifts unwrapped and projects unfinished, I came down with pink eye. I had never had it before, so at 54 years old with a goopy, itchy eye, I became quite disabled. For three mornings I woke up with my eye sealed shut with the crusty infection. During the day, it would itch so much that I would have to lay down with a hot cloth over my eye and just rest. This isn't something that I normally do - especially during the holidays - to lay down with nothing but my thoughts. I did a lot of thinking.

One of the things I thought about was the precious gift of sight. Having had Lasik surgery 4-5 years ago, I still have the doctor's orders in my memory, "Do not rub your eye!" And so, as I rubbed and rubbed, I would worry about whether it was possible to move that top layer around and injure the eye further or even go blind. I'm not sure if people who have never had eye surgery would worry about that over a simple case of pink eye, but I did.

At one point, laying on the bed at John's house, I was thinking about what my life would be like if I went blind. Although my mind turned to something that I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit, I am actually glad that it happened. It was a moment of clarity about where my focus should be in the New Year. John and his son were in the living room watching television which I could barely hear and I lay in the quiet bedroom with a warm cloth over my eye. I thought, "If I were blind, I would not be so distracted by other things. If I were blind, I would focus more on Christ and prayer." Within seconds of this thought, I was incredibly aware of what had justs gone through my mind and I was humbled. I really need to remember that and focus more on Christ. I need to learn how to overcome distractions to devote myself to Him.

I was finally able to drive and make it back to the Beach House on Sunday night and I awoke in the morning to a thick fog over the Chesapeake Bay and the lovely song of fog horns from the ships out on the bay. As I sat in the back room listening to the fog horns and drinking my morning coffee I thought about the beauty of that lonesome, mournful sound. Ships calling out in the fog to one another, "I'm here! Take note!" My thoughts went to my previous musings about being blind, and I felt instantly that God was underscoring that with the sound of the fog horns. The Lord said, "I'm here! Take note!"

I am not a New Year's Resolution type of person. Seriously. I'm not in bad shape, but I am not motivated so much by creating challenges for myself. I seem to focus more on relationships than getting in shape. In 2014, I enjoyed some wonderful milestones and a few setbacks. I'm pretty happy with my life and I don't feel like I would be happier if I weighed less or made more money. But I do feel the yearning for a closer relationship with my maker. I remember how I felt when I relied on Him more and I do want to work to get that back. I remember my morning coffee and Bible reading and how that set the tone for my day. I remember the fellowship I felt when I belonged to a church and I miss that.

In many ways, my relationship with God is better than it was back then and in others it's not. I think the best place to start may be what I was shown in the week leading up to Christmas. Be still, close your eyes, just wait on the Lord's fog horn and follow that sound.

Faith and Worry, Worry and Faith

The last few days have not been good. I've allowed myself to be pulled in to someone else's issue. It's hard - I love my daughter, my family, my friends, my fiance - and it took me a long time to learn that people sometimes have to go through their own stuff.

When finally, after a long, ugly path, I allowed myself to surrender to the love of God, I would often think about how hard it must be for Him to watch us and not intervene. I know He could. And sometimes we wonder why He doesn't. It's hard to be a parent, I think of what God must experience as He watches us flounder around and make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. I imagine that He spent a lot of time doing a "face-palm" when it came to me. And I'm sure He still does from time to time. But I'm starting to learn that I don't have to know the outcome of everything and I don't need to manipulate and orchestrate events. I also don't need to get involved in other people's stuff. Yet, I still sometimes do.

Watching someone you care about struggle to make sense of what the right things to do or say are is painful. The struggle is real, y'all! They say that we often lost patience with people when their floundering about reminds us of our own. This is certainly true in this situation. I remember many years ago, when I was in a relationship that was not good for me, I would talk to my friends about what I should do. Every single one of them said, "You know what you need to do, you need to end this relationship." But I wasn't ready. What I wanted them to tell me was one more thing that I hadn't tried yet. A dear friend would say to me, "Life is too short to spend it wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you." I would think to myself, "What is he talking about?" I laugh about it now - but I had no idea how those words applied to my situation at all! Another friend would say, "I guess you just haven't had enough yet." I must have been an extremely frustrating person to be around.

So, I pray for patience and discernment. I pray for their heart and their peace. And most of all, I pray that whatever the outcome of this situation, that it will lead them closer to the God who loves them unconditionally. I am a very poor substitute for the unconditional love and grace of God.

Senior Year Starts in Two Days

This last 18 months has been pretty amazing. The baby and I have taken many trips, including college tours to University of SC, University of FL, University of NC, FSU, College of Charleston and University of N. Florida. We took some other fantastic trips and spent great times with friends and family. I have even found myself in a wonderful new relationship with an awesome man that my friends and family all like. He and I spent the last week on the shores of Ocean Isle Beach, NC with some of his friends, while the baby stayed behind for football practice. As we drove home yesterday, it dawned on me that this is it. Senior year starts on Tuesday and there's no turning back.

I posted a note on Facebook that says, "These kids grow up hella fast," in an effort to tone down my real feelings. It seems so cliche to ask, "Where did the time go?" but that is what I'm thinking. Seems like these last couple of years that we've been talking about colleges and SAT's and what she wants to be when she grows up and getting a driver's license, I have just passed through in a daze. I really haven't spent a lot of time thinking about her finally growing up and moving on. We get along so well, and I know that no matter where she goes, she'll never completely be gone, but we're in for a lot of changes. It seems like these last couple of years, she's been the one hugging me and wiping my tears rather than the other way around.

On Tuesday, she'll start her last year of school and in no time, we'll be shopping for prom dresses. How does a mom go from this:

First day of school Sept. 2000

First day of school Sept. 2000

To this: 

Maddie on the left with new friend, Aug. 2012

and keep her sanity? 

It's so bittersweet to watch her excitement for all the possibilities her life has to offer. She's been such a joy and is rarely unhappy. Tonight, two days before school, she is off with two friends to work on a summer assignment. The world, so to speak, is her oyster and while I'm thrilled for her, I can still remember when she was afraid to spend the night away from me. As she chomps at the bit to embark on her life as an adult, I know that all the efforts to protect her and shape her can sometimes mean nothing if this world wants to get hold of her. I pray that all the hours of pleading with God to guide my parenting and to teach me what I need to teach her have been enough. She has never belonged to me - she is His - I just pray that I've lived up to God's expectations. 

My dearest friend, my niece who is 2 years younger than me, became a grandmother for the first time yesterday. I know that in those hours that she stood by her daughter's side that she was completely overcome in the same way that I am today. Her oldest child, only seven years older than mine, is a beautiful wife and now mother of her own precious daughter. The world continues to turn, our family grows, and we give all the glory to God. 

Sewing Pillow Covers

I want to state outright that this is a post about making pillow covers. There may be moments while you read this that you will think, "Wait, wasn't this a DIY post?" and you'll be right to be confused because lately my mind wanders - alot. And by alot, I mean way more than my usual unfocused, ADD self.

To start, I will admit sheer embarrassment at how quickly and easily I finished these two pillow covers for the spare bedroom makeover. For all the time and energy I put into putting it off, I could have made a dozen or more of these things. But my mind doesn't work in a logical, linear fashion. If you know me, you are probably laughing at the understatement of that comment. My train of thought is something like this: Birthday, Daughter, Missing my mom, graduation cards, Words with Friends, Pictures, Sewing pillow covers. Got it.

Coral chevron pillow

Friday afternoon I decided that Sunday would be the day I made the pillow covers. I had previously found a great blog post which gave easy instructions for a no-pattern, envelope-style pillow cover that could be removed for washing. I'm linking you to a blog called Setting for Four in case you want the instructions. Saturday was out because we were planning to celebrate my BFF Betsy's birthday with a cookout, just us girls. So I dug out the sewing machine and washed all the gunk off it from sitting idle in storage for the last 3-4 years and put it in the back room where I would be using it.

Betsy's gifts

My green-eyed girls 

 Birthday girl!

I wake up this morning - somewhat excited about my project and I promptly start sabotaging the day. The girl is going off for the day to work on a school project with friends and stop by a graduation party. For no reason whatsoever, my fear of her growing up kicks in and I start harping on her about always being on the go. Poor thing - she has done very well for having a mentally ill mother. And I don't know why my fears always come out in a lecture. Fortunately, she's used to me! She leaves and I feel bad and give myself a lecture. Then I leave to get coffee and stop by the Gypsy Vintage sale, where I discover the aged wooden shutters I like are still there after two months and I purchase three of them for the headboard project in the spare room. Did you know that a full size bed is 54 inches wide? And the shutters were 18 inches wide each. Score - I got all 3 for $75. The man in my life says he can make these into a headboard. Yea him!

Shutters to make headboard

I come home after buying graduation cards. Really, we know like eight people who are graduating. Am I obligated to put money in these cards? Or can I do it only for the ones who are related to me?

Okay, we're cooking now. I measure, I iron, I cut, I pin. I sit down at the sewing machine, that I bought at Sears in about 1990, that is in fine condition for the kind of sewing I will ever do and I get a little sad. I start thinking of my mom, who died in 2003, and how she taught me to sew when I was a little girl. She made some of my clothes and I even have a couple of years of school pictures wearing clothes that she made me, like the faux-leather jumper from the 60's.

The home made leather jumper!

I don't know what grade that is, but it's unfortunate that she didn't put the same amount of effort into my hair that she did to the dress. I really look like a dork in that picture. But don't we all have at least one of those? Anyway, Agnes Russell Stedman, I thank you for teaching me to sew because now I have these awesome pillow covers for the spare bedroom. And because I love this material so much, I think I may buy some more and make roman shades for the windows in that room, but I have to think on that.

Love this material

Finished pillow

Envelope-style back

Clearly what turned out to be about a two hour sewing job took hours on an emotional roller coaster to complete. What do you think of my pillows? Here's a look at the material for the next project.

Next project!

Mother's Day #17

Before my daughter put gas in her car today, I asked her to make note of how many miles were on the trip odometer. 262. In just over a week, the car has gone 262 miles. Couple that with perhaps another 250 miles that she has driven my car without me in it, and she's driven a little over 500 miles on her own. When she gets ready to leave where ever she has gone, she calls me and says she's on her way home. Each time that phone rings and I see her number, for a moment I panic that I might pick up the phone and hear her sobbing on the other end, "Mommy?"

In the last year, since she first got her learner's permit and then her full license, I have come to realize that the only way a mother survives the years of raising her children is to completely live in denial. Denial that every time you turn away someone might snatch them. Denial that every time they walk out the door, it might be the last time you see them. And we must be tough. Tough when they do something foolish and have to face the consequences. Tough when they are hurt and you can't let them see how terrified you are about that deep cut or that finger that is bent in an odd position.

Being a mother has required so much more of me than I initially thought. It's certainly not for cowards, although we come across our fair share of them. The ones who care more about being their child's friend than their parent. The ones who do science projects for them. The ones who refuse to believe that their child could do something wrong.

Recently, I saw the movie Soul Surfer about Bethany Hamilton, the teenaged surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. When I came home I asked Maddie, "How could you say that's one of your favorite movies? That was terrible!" And I told her, "If I stopped to think about the things that could happen to you every time you walk out that door, you'd never go anywhere!" I was actually sobbing about watching this family go through this terrible event. And my sweet daughter hugged me and assured me that she wasn't going to be eaten by a shark. I suspect she was mocking me, but I was grateful for the hug.

On Sunday, I will enjoy my 17th Mother's Day. In spite of the dangers that lurk behind every single corner, I honestly wouldn't change one moment of it. Being a mom has been the most joyful and rewarding "job" I've ever had. Being a mom has made me a better person. And most importantly, I have spent 17 years being the mother of a fantastic and smart and funny and beautiful girl. I have been blessed by God beyond my wildest imagination.

Christmas a la Betsy

Maddie and I spent a great day at Betsy's - exchanging gifts, having dinner and laughing until we had tears rolling down our cheeks. The best of friends make you laugh like that and Betsy never disappoints. She had decorated in her usual classy style. I took some photos - notice that I'm having an effect on her: a few touches straight from My Beach House.